Why me, Why her, Why now…

I know i have to let go but no one said it’ll be easy.  I’m trying to keep busy to try to keep my mind off of things but there are still moments where i find myself thinking of her and it saddens my heart to know that we can’t be together. Here i go again, going through the same shit again.

I really need this next month to reflect and to really figure out what i want.

Disconnected….

For the next month i will be disconnected from the world. My phones turned off and i will force myself to stay off of all social networking sites. The reason… i need to recollect myself.  My heart is so full of ache that its almost unbearable.  Sometimes i feel like being a “good” guy just means that it’s that much easier for people to step on you.  I try my hardest to find the good in people and i hope that they can change and be that good person that i see.  It’s not that I'm stupid and don’t see what's happening it’s just that i believe in people to much.  I admit i do get attached way to easily but it’s genuine and i do really care about these girls.  I always seem to find these broken people and i get pulled in.  I feel their pain and i want to try my hardest to help them through the rough time but in the end I'm always the one sitting by myself in my room with a pain in my chest and a tear in my eye.  All i ever wanted was to be able to love someone and feel loved in return. For now i just need to take a breathe and try to find peace. My heart has been broken so many times I'm so sick of this shit.  FUCK!

Hoping…

At the end will it be? Is what we have strong enough to hold it’s ground against all that stands against us. Call me a hopeless romantic but i still believe that it can happen.  It hurts so much to know exactly what you want but, for now, is impossible to obtain. I’ve loved and lost once before and yet i still sit here instead of going after her. Life is complicated and if only it could be that simple. She will always hold that place in my heart and i will always be there for her. I hope she understands why i had to do the things i did. Please don’t resent me. You were always the one. Let it go…  let it go. Hopefully one day it will return to you.

Life expectancy…

So many of us strive to live a long life.  Always worried about what or how we do things.  so much so that we get caught up in the worry instead of truly living our lives to their full potential, regardless of how short or long that may be.  “Should i do this? What if i had done it this way? Is this what i really want?”  Just take the leap!  You can tread lightly through life watching each step as it’s placed never looking ahead to where you are going. You may get far but fall short of the end before the sun sets.  Or you can sprint down the path, stumble a few times, but at least you’ll feel the contentment of reaching the goal.  Guess what I'm trying to say is “Don’t get so caught up in where you are going because you might lose sight of where you want to be.”  You only have so much time to get there so get there already!

Time, Faith, and Love…

In “Time” many paths will meet and cross but only in “Faith” and ”Love” will they ever follow side by side.

                                                                           A. Hara

Contemplative thought...

     Sometimes i wonder about how the mind works. so many variations upon, what seems to me like, a one answer question. It should be simple yet it always seems to elude me. Am i doing something wrong? Have i somehow missed a step in the process? Who knows!?
     The vagueness of this blog obviously shows my reluctance to share what exactly i'm talking about but maybe perhaps there in lies the problem.  I've almost but have given up. The only reassurance i have is the voice in my head. No promises for the future only faith and that, for now, will have to suffice.

Who has time for friends...

As things pick up it's getting harder and harder to have time for myself let alone friends. I appologize in hopes that my friends will understand that i am trying my best to share time with them but building my business, as of right now, will require the majority of my time.  As much as i would want to, time spent party'n and staying out all night has to be refocused on work that needs to get done.  "Focus and don't get caught up with the enticing shortcomings of the now!"

Getting my head straight...

I still think about her. Even as i sit here i can't help but to wonder if this will ever happen. I need to really assess this though. Am i building it up in my mind? Is it really as it seems or have i just created a scenario that can never be lived up to?  Sometimes we all create a false sense of reality to make the things we truely want more tangable.  With that said it's not to say that those thoughts can not be true.  Maybe she is who i think she is. maybe my mind is not eluding me to a false sense of what "is" but merely showing me what could be.

Test... Starting a new era in Graphic design!

This is my first blog ever so please be kind.
     My name is Aldon and i am a graphic designer coming at you from Hilo town.  I just started my biz and have a request for a blog site. so here i am diving into a new online world.  i gota be honest, i don't know much about blogs but i figure it can't be that different then Facebook or twitter. well Peace Out world. till next...